Tag: memories

community, memories, reflecting, remembering

Showing Up

Mary Elyn Bahlert

Over the years of my life, I have come to value something that is rarely mentioned. Although this quality is not often mentioned, it is of inestimable value. At least it has been in my life. Many years ago, I committed to memory the “gifts of the Spirit,” and sometimes before I go to sleep at night, I say them to myself: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” And to that holy list I would add: “showing up”.

I remember the day of my mother’s funeral in Milwaukee. Jeff and I had accompanied my mother’s body back to Wisconsin to have her honored there, a funeral, and to have her buried there, alongside my father. Like many important memories of days and times in my life, “snapshots” appear in my mind of that day, a cold, cold February day, bleak in that way mid-winter days are bleak in the Midwest. I can sense myself sitting there in the sanctuary, aware of the folks who were sitting there along with me, my mother’s casket before us. Jeff’s mother and brother Randy were there, along with many of my friends, and some of my mother’s friends – those who were still alive, my mother having passed her 80th year, her friends, also. Some of those gathered were friends of my mother and some were my friends, there to be present to me.

Clearly, I remember myself walking away from the grave as the small group of us had gathered at the graveside for a few words to be said, and as we walked away so that her burial could be completed by the waiting workers. My friend Vicki walked beside me, and she said to me: “you had neat parents.” Her comment was so simple, and yet I have not forgotten her presence beside me, and I have not forgotten the words she said. With those words, she was telling me that she, too, had loved my parents, and that they had been a part of her life.

I remember Vicki’s presence that day and I remember the presence of many others. I remember reaching out to Joanne to join me in throwing some earth onto my mother’s casket at the burial. I remember my mother-in-law, Betty, taking my left arm as I walked down the steps to the gathering in the church basement that followed the funeral. I remember Jeff, who read the words I had written in honor of my mother, and who had traveled with me to be with her friends and mine on that day.

I will always love the people who were present that day. They showed up. My cousin Rudy and his wife Mary, now in their late 80’s and early 90’s, attended the funeral. I remember them especially because Rudy and Mary carry with them the value that I have come to love: they showed up. They were there at my wedding to Jeff, the first day of spring, when the guests traveled through another snow storm to be present with us. They were there when my father died after his long struggle with colon cancer. They were there on the day that Jeff read a short story of his at the little church in Kiel that his grandfather had pastored, many years before.

Last week, when I was in Wisconsin, I made sure to drive out of my way to see Mary and Rudy in their home. I wanted to show up for them, as they had shown up for me and for so many I loved, over the years. As we talked and talked, our conversation remembering so many that have passed, and including those who are still with us, I made sure to remind Rudy and Mary, as I have before, in other visits, that I have not forgotten that they had showed up.

Rudy and Mary personify that blessed quality, “showing up.” To me, they do. When I told them – again – they told me that they had visited my mother when she was living alone in the apartment on Appleton Avenue, alone after my father had died, alone in the place she lived until Jeff and I moved her to be closer to us in the Bay Area. I had not heard that story before.

I haven’t read accolades about “showing up.” I doubt I will, in this time of Artificial Intelligence and driver-less cars. Some of the simplest, most concrete things in life will not be mentioned.

But I remember all of you. I think of you often. I see your faces, those who showed up for me at just the moment I needed you to show up. Thank you.

Cousin Rudy and Me, circa 2014, Kiel, Wisconsin

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George Webb

Mary Elyn Bahlert

To folks from Milwaukee, George Webb will not need an introduction. Most of us will remember a time, sitting at the counter or in a crowded booth in the neighborhood hamburger parlor, going back to at least the 1950’s. I googled George Webb Restaurants and learned that the first restaurant had, indeed, opened in Milwaukee in 1948 – the year before I was born.

Most days, my family ate Mom’s home made dinners, often peasant food recipes that she had grown up with. We had borscht – still my favorite – a couple of times a year. And Holubtsi, Ukrainian stuffed cabbage. I can firmly state that I have never cooked that dish – since I tried my best to peel the cabbage off the ground hamburger meat, to eat the best part, to leave the boiled cabbage on the plate, as a child. That didn’t work; as children, we were expected to eat what was on the plate. Remembering, I have to think that my Dad liked those meals, or we would not have eaten them. He was not a fussy eater, in my memory – although I learned that my mother’s order at the local bakery – “dark rye without caraway, sliced” – was free of seeds because Dad didn’t like caraway. Maybe she did cater to his tastes, the bread earner in the family.

“Once in a great while (a favorite expression that my Dad used, and which Jeff repeats to this day)” Mom cut the coupon to George Webb’s Hamburger Parlor out of the Green Sheet in the Milwaukee Journal, and we had a trip to the closest George Webb Restaurant to pick up the bag of 7 hamburgers – for 99 cents. That’s right: 99 cents! Hamburgers were a special treat; I expect that Mom had carefully figured that splurge into her weekly budget, just as carefully taking the cash from the folder that held the weekly food allowance, as well as other budgeted items: rent money, Christmas savings, utilities.

In the 1950’s, Mom still cashed the paper check that Dad brought home from work on Friday afternoon – his union wages enough to raise a family, and enough to set aside something for a rainy day, and elder years – at the local grocery store, standing in line with the other housewives whose families waited for shopping to begin. Before Mom learned to drive in the 1960’s, Daddy drove us all to the grocery store after work on Friday, and we followed Mom through the aisles as she carefully read from her shopping list. The end of the week had come, and the weekend was beginning.

The shopping cart included bacon and eggs for Daddy’s daily breakfast, and cold cereal and milk for Ronnie and Suzie and me. The shopping cart included ice cream, always, and necessary ingredients for holiday baking before Christmas. Sometimes, the shopping cart carried a ham for a special holiday meal, and the necessary makings for holiday cookies, when the time came.

All of these memories point to the memory that our meal of George Webb Hamburgers was a special meal.

When I can, I like to find my way back to a George Webb Hamburger Parlor in Milwaukee, not to satisfy my taste, but as a way to remember. And I like to sit at the counter, where the cook staff still makes sure that each coffee cup is full, and where a line of workers still sits, enjoying the ambience (!), saying a few words to the person on the next stool at the counter, and quickly pulling out a newspaper or cell phone to get the local news.

Some things never change – in the midst of lots of other things changing!

memories, nostalgia, reflecting, Uncategorized

Jeff’s face

Mary Elyn Bahlert

Sometimes in the morning or evening, when Jeff and I sit across the room from each other – he in his beloved leather chair, and me on our sofa, I look up to look at him. He is reading, or watching another series on the web. He doesn’t know I’m looking. I look up and take a few moments to look at his face, to study him, to enjoy him.

Jeff’s face has been in my life for a long time, although sometimes it seems as if all the time has gone by so quickly; it has gone by so quickly. We’ve had good times, sweet times, hard times, laughing times, gentle times, shouting times, quiet times. I am grateful to the Powers for having gifted me with Jeff as my partner in this life.

I love that Jeff is a man who makes sure to make time for relationship, time to nourish and be with one another, offering gratitude, remembering together, enjoying one another.

And so, today, this is an ode to Jeff’s face. “From the beginning of my life I have been looking for your face…” – Rumi

I think his kindness shows in his face, and I’m grateful for his kindness, through all of life’s journey.

Jeff, Lake Tahoe, 8/2020

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Charm School

Mary Elyn Bahlert

Suzie didn’t go to Charm School. I asked her. She said that she could have used Charm School, but I guess Mom only decided to send me. I can guess the reasons for this, but I don’t know for sure.

Once a week, the year I was 13, Mom enrolled me in Charm School, which was held on Saturday mornings on the top floor of the Boston Store in downtown Milwaukee. I rode the 23 bus line to Wisconsin Avenue, where I got off at the stop in front of the Boston Store and took the elevator to the top floor. There, I learned how to be charming.

I learned a lot of things that were important to know in Charm School. For example, I learned how to greet someone, to extend my hand, to look them in the eye as I greeted them. I learned how to hold my legs when I stood, so that I looked proper – lady-like. I learned how to wear white gloves. I learned how to speak properly in public, how to introduce myself, how to be presentable when in public. Maybe Mom wanted me to go so that I would be presentable in public; I’m not sure.

As it was, the charms I learned in Charm School would be called into question within a few years, with the country in turmoil over the Vietnam War, the protests that accompanied that turmoil, and the demonstrations on University campuses all over the country. I wore skirts and garter belts with proper stockings all the way through High School, but the world was about to change.

The world did change, the year I graduated from high school – 1967. We’d seen the assassination of a President and of his brother, and we’d watched, again and again, the assassination of the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. We were witnesses to the world changing; the world we lived in changed – quickly and with no turning back – and so we changed, too.

Soon, I’d be wearing blue jeans all the time – even to school – tank tops in the summer time, and I’d give up teasing to get my hair to stay up high in the air. I’d give up rollers at night, too. While I learned about how to wear the proper amount of makeup in Charm School, I gave up makeup, too, in college.

And I read Fear of Flying, by Erica Jong, signaling to my mother – who couldn’t read past the first few pages, though she didn’t say a word to me about reading it – that I was part of a new generation.

Charm School had opened doors for me, even doors that led to places I couldn’t have imagined. And some of those doors that opened for me led me to places my mother could not have imagined, although she had dreamed a different future for me. A future different from hers.

Charm School had its limitations in my life during changing times. However, I do know how to stand correctly, how to introduce myself (who goes first, etc.), and how to show interest in what someone else is saying. Maybe that’s what’s left over in me from Charm School.

Me and Suzie, in my pre-Charm School days, circa 1954.

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memories, reflecting, Uncategorized

Mother’s Day at the slough

Mary Elyn Bahlert

Our mothers have passed, many years ago, now, but we remember that for many others, this day of honoring mothers is being celebrated. For Jeff and for me, though, it’s another Sunday when neither of us has the work of the Church on our minds, a Sunday all to ourselves, a Sunday to fill with moments that belong to us alone.

And so we get up early – as we do every day – and our early morning is filled with getting ready for the day, like any other morning. And then, we drive to Martinez, to walk along the Carquinez Strait, a series of walking paths along the Strait, with its view of the hills and the water. Other faithful folks walk on Sunday mornings, also, and most are friendly, passing with a smile and a few kind words.

The paths are level, the hills are in the distance, green, turning now to brown again after a winter with a lot of rain. As we walk, we see a ship, returning from the Pacific, coming through the strait. When I see a ship, I’m reminded that I’m not in Wisconsin anymore, haven’t been, for over half my life.

We pass the ruins of a shipwreck from the last century, and read again the plaque with its story, its history of how it ended up deserted, sometimes hidden by the tide when we walk past. Today was lovely, a wind gliding past us, making the air a bit cool until the sunlight got the best of the temperature and we were warm.

The remains of a shipwreck, stranded here for the last century, Martinez, California

Photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert, 5/2024

We’ve walked at the Slough many times over the past four years. In the early months of Covid-Time (a season of its own in our lives), we felt strongly the freedom of Sunday mornings – mornings without churches to go to, mornings without sermons to deliver – and we set out to walk in some place outside our own very walkable neighborhood in Oakland. We walked through almost twenty neighborhoods in San Francisco over the course of many months. We walked along the Bay in Oakland, where we discovered a new development right on the water – Brooklyn Basin. We walked at the sea shore in Half Moon Bay, looking down on the Pacific from a high path. Usually, when the walk had ended, we’d find a cafe to sit outside, to continue our luxurious Sunday morning, to have a cup of coffee, before getting back into the car to return home.

When our friend Joanne arrived from Wisconsin to stay with us for a few days last winter, I took her to the Martinez Strait to enjoy the paths there.

We loved the paths and the breeze we discovered at Martinez, and we have returned there again and again, now that life is back to a “new normal” after the ravages of Covid-Time. Often after our walk, we drive closer to downtown where the main street is bustling with a Sunday morning Farmers’ Market. We leave with a couple of bags of fresh vegetables to enjoy the rest of the week.

Along the path, along the slough…

Photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert, Martinez Slough, 5/12/2024