memories, reflecting

Cities

I grew up in the city – Milwaukee, Wisconsin, specifically, the North Side of Milwaukee. I expect my love of cities began there. I have many memories of riding city busses in Milwaukee, beginning when I was little, in the company of my mother. I thought all cities were like Milwaukee, its streets set out on a grid, making it easy to follow house numbers. That made it easy to figure out where friends lived, from the time I was little and walked those three city blocks from my house – we always lived in rented upper flats, a family in the flat below us, a full basement even further down, and a full attic. And I expect my love of that place has shaped my love as an adult, as my world has grown – and grown – and I’ve been privileged to travel, both in the United States and in cities around the world – I expect my love of the place I am from has shaped my love of cities in other places.

“You learn something new every day,” was a maxim my mother lived by, and that she bequeathed to me. Cities are a only one way to learn something new every day, of course, but cities provide strong evidence of cultures beyond the one in which I grew to adulthood.

I prefer large cities. I proved that to myself when, after receiving training as a Claims Representative for Social Security in Minneapolis for three months in early 1973, I was sent to work at the Social Security Office in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I lived in Green Bay for almost three years before I transferred back to Milwaukee in my government position.

As a United Methodist pastor, I was sent as a pastor to places I might not have chosen on my own, but which I came to love. And I was grateful to have spent most of my ministry in large cities. “A city girl in a city church,” Jeff said in his remarks at my retirement from a church in downtown Oakland where I had pastored for 16 years.

My travels outside of Milwaukee had started during my college years. One spring break, my mother gave me the $200.00 for a week trip to New York City. I was in love! And what you can find in New York City! Vicki, who had traveled with me and was my roommate, and I had second row tickets to see “Hair” on Broadway when “Hair” was all the rage. We found our way to out of the way delis for lunch, We walked and we looked at everything with all the joy of young women whose world was opening up – even if we didn’t know it then. We made mistakes; one evening, as dark was coming on, we hailed a cab whose driver told us that “you girls shouldn’t be walking in this neighborhood” as he delivered us safely to the street outside our hotel.

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Many years later, in 1988, I traveled to the then USSR – during the times of Gorbachev, when the country was beginning to open up. Communism was still in full effect, and our large group of faith leaders from the U.S. who were traveling to honor the 1,000th anniversary of the Orthodox Church, were divided into smaller groups upon arrival in the USSR, for the duration of our journey. Itineraries in each group were different. As often as I could during our stay, I walked with my roommate: in the streets of Leningrad, Moscow, Kiev, and Odessa. I took the subway – the same system as BART in the Bay Area – in Moscow. I looked at the people as I passed them on the streets. In Kiev I carefully looked at the people who passed me as I walked, looking for the eyes, the bearing, the faces of my people. I found them there. I experienced some of the government control of the people when a citizen of the USSR who sat in the seat beside me on a plane, told me that the people were not allowed to travel outside the USSR, and when a small group of fellow travelers and I met to talk about our next outing in the hall of a hotel, we were told to disband our group by an employee of the hotel.

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Over the years, I’ve traveled to many of the great cities of the world. I have not ever forgotten the privilege my life has been, how I’ve seen places that even my mother could not dream of seeing. Part of my travels is the simple joy of walking and watching, and I’ve done so in Paris, London, Washington, D.C., Seoul, Berlin, Dublin, Minneapolis, Chicago,Istanbul, San Francisco. There are many others. Each city has its particular feel, its own personality. Each city is beautiful, in its own way. Like the stamps on the pages of my passport, each city has left its own mark in my heart. I hope to be a guest in other cities in the next few years.

I’m grateful for the privilege that has brought me to this place, and to this reflection, to this time of easy days and remembering. And to the ancestors who traveled from their own places to bring me to this life, to this place.

From the kitchen window of our home in Oakland, I can see through the trees in our yard, I can see across the Bay, the sky and the skyline of San Francisco, as if it is framed by the trees. Each evening at sunset, the colors over the City are different. Sometimes the City sits beneath a pink sky, sometimes it is invisible through the fog that falls over San Francisco Bay, sometimes white clouds float over a blue and gray sky. From my own city – Oakland – I see that other great City. This place suits me. The sky, the sunset, the view through the trees, they all seem to agree.

Coming into Oakland from San Francisco on the Bay Ferry, photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert, 1/2026


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The saddest day

I’ve always loved the Christmas season. I love the lights, I love unwrapping the ornaments from their paper shelters each year, I love the ritual of hanging each precious ornament on the tree. With the hanging of the ornaments come memories. Jeff and I remember where the oldest ornaments came from. We remember those we love so dearly who have been gone for many years. We tell each other, again each year, as if it was our first time decorating the tree with these colorful balls, the story of this ornament, the person who comes to mind as we hang another. We like the presence of the decorated tree in the room, the colored lights that circle the branches, lit for most of every day.

And then the day comes when the lights come down, and the window that looks over the street will be in view to us again. The day the lights come down must be the saddest day of the year. As each year passes, the decorated tree becomes more important to us. We’ve taken its presence in our lives for granted for a long time now, but as we see our friends’ and colleagues’ lives changing, we know our own are changing, too. There are fewer of these colorfully lit evenings ahead of us than are behind us. There are fewer precious holiday times when we enjoy so many friends at our table, when we play the Christmas carols again and again. Even in the mild climate of northern California, we manage as best we can to bring “cozy” into our house. The Christmas tree provides a sampling.

“And we’ll all sing hallelujah, at the turning of the year,
and we’ll dance all day, in the old-fashioned way,
’til the shining star appear…” – Richard Thompson, “I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight,” 1974.

Today is Epiphany, the festival of the Three Kings, a tale that is central to the Christmas story. My mother called this day “Russian Christmas,” her way of acknowledging the Orthodox celebration that follows our own holiday by two weeks. When I was young, my mother didn’t begin to take down the ornaments and the tinsel, the “icing” on the tree until Epiphany.

By the calendar, the days are already beginning to lengthen, and the celebration of Christmas marks that return to the longer days. We’ve begun to light the colored lights on the tree less, and tomorrow, we’ll take the ornaments off the tree, one by one, carefully covering each one with tissue and placing it gently in its storage box. Even the storage boxes and the tissue papers are old, having seen many Christmases past.

Just as we have seen many Christmases past, and passing.

And tomorrow, the tree will be gone. photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert, 1/6/2026

memories, nostalgia, remembering

Magic

I suppose that what I miss most during the holiday season – besides all of those before me who have passed – is the magic. And I suppose the magic has been gone now, for a long, long – long – time.

There was a certain magic to bringing Christmas to the people of a congregation when I was an active Pastor. I loved the liturgical seasons, and I loved to hold onto Advent for as long as I could – a feat that was impossible to the folks who came to church: they wanted Christmas season to begin – they wanted to sing all the old carols we all know by heart – as soon as the Thanksgiving dishes had been cleared away.

“But there’s Advent” – I’d try to win them over – “a liturgical season of its own, and a season that is longer than the Christmas season itself” – to no avail. But I did love the music, the old, old music we love so well. I tried to hold off on the congregation singing the Christmas carols until the four Sundays of Advent had been honored. But no. It didn’t work – not even once.

To me, even the season of waiting – of the Coming of the Child – is as rich as Christmas – call it the Arrival of the Child – itself. The Coming is filled with something: hope, expectation, longing – all tangible, all filled in themselves with a reality that we have all lived at some time in our lives.

The magic captivated – captivates me.

I have a memory of my childhood that is still a mystery to me. It was Christmas Eve, and I was in bed, in the narrow room I shared with my little sister, Suzie. Maybe she was already asleep. My bed was pushed up against the wall with the window. I could hear Mom and Dad in the living room, only a few feet away, shuffling around, making things happen. Like tradition in the Old Country, they were decorating the Christmas tree which Suzie and I would only see in all its glory for the first time on Christmas morning. There was always a layer of ice on the second story window, the cold of Milwaukee’s winter coming through the storm window Daddy had carefully hung in autumn. And on that Christmas Eve, I heard the bells – outside my window. I heard the bells of Christmas! I raised my head from the pillow, looked out into the cold, dark winter night. The only sound I heard then was the rustling of my parents in the next room.

The magic was gone. As quickly as it had arrived – gone.

And I fell asleep then in anticipation of Christmas morning, when, in the old European way, we would open our gifts around the decorated tree, the gifts that had arrived – mysteriously – sometime in the night.

Magic! photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert, 12/2025, View Place

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Sweet, sad music

The tree is always beautiful,
the lights – magical, too.
Night comes on soon and stays for the magic.

Sitting close, we look into the branches, deep, 
remembering as we do
            those who are gone –
            now for many years.

Quiet, we hear them whisper 
as the ornaments swish along the needles:
sweet, sad music.


– Mary Elyn Bahlert, December, 2025

O Christmas tree, 12/2025, photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert

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Life is the color of things

Life is the color of things:
of places, of thoughts, of people I have loved, of sky and trees.
I know gray well, and I have taken from gray a gift:
the gift of gray is to know – for the first time – the color of things.

Life is the color of things and 
it is good to breathe in the riches of sky, of earth,
of shadows across the sky, 
of green grass that carries the fragrance of earth,
of long orange autumns, bright maples, 
of gray and darkened days of winter,
of spring, snow banks melting,
of a navy-blue awakening, dawn.

The color of things lives in the eyes of friends, 
places where sadness lurks,
where pain is not covered by dull happiness.

Life is the color of things:
this gift, earth, all that is in it,
the heart, the heart, full:

And all that is in it.

Life is the color of things. Photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert, Oakland, View Place, 2025