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The saddest day

I’ve always loved the Christmas season. I love the lights, I love unwrapping the ornaments from their paper shelters each year, I love the ritual of hanging each precious ornament on the tree. With the hanging of the ornaments come memories. Jeff and I remember where the oldest ornaments came from. We remember those we love so dearly who have been gone for many years. We tell each other, again each year, as if it was our first time decorating the tree with these colorful balls, the story of this ornament, the person who comes to mind as we hang another. We like the presence of the decorated tree in the room, the colored lights that circle the branches, lit for most of every day.

And then the day comes when the lights come down, and the window that looks over the street will be in view to us again. The day the lights come down must be the saddest day of the year. As each year passes, the decorated tree becomes more important to us. We’ve taken its presence in our lives for granted for a long time now, but as we see our friends’ and colleagues’ lives changing, we know our own are changing, too. There are fewer of these colorfully lit evenings ahead of us than are behind us. There are fewer precious holiday times when we enjoy so many friends at our table, when we play the Christmas carols again and again. Even in the mild climate of northern California, we manage as best we can to bring “cozy” into our house. The Christmas tree provides a sampling.

“And we’ll all sing hallelujah, at the turning of the year,
and we’ll dance all day, in the old-fashioned way,
’til the shining star appear…” – Richard Thompson, “I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight,” 1974.

Today is Epiphany, the festival of the Three Kings, a tale that is central to the Christmas story. My mother called this day “Russian Christmas,” her way of acknowledging the Orthodox celebration that follows our own holiday by two weeks. When I was young, my mother didn’t begin to take down the ornaments and the tinsel, the “icing” on the tree until Epiphany.

By the calendar, the days are already beginning to lengthen, and the celebration of Christmas marks that return to the longer days. We’ve begun to light the colored lights on the tree less, and tomorrow, we’ll take the ornaments off the tree, one by one, carefully covering each one with tissue and placing it gently in its storage box. Even the storage boxes and the tissue papers are old, having seen many Christmases past.

Just as we have seen many Christmases past, and passing.

And tomorrow, the tree will be gone. photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert, 1/6/2026

memories, nostalgia, remembering

Magic

I suppose that what I miss most during the holiday season – besides all of those before me who have passed – is the magic. And I suppose the magic has been gone now, for a long, long – long – time.

There was a certain magic to bringing Christmas to the people of a congregation when I was an active Pastor. I loved the liturgical seasons, and I loved to hold onto Advent for as long as I could – a feat that was impossible to the folks who came to church: they wanted Christmas season to begin – they wanted to sing all the old carols we all know by heart – as soon as the Thanksgiving dishes had been cleared away.

“But there’s Advent” – I’d try to win them over – “a liturgical season of its own, and a season that is longer than the Christmas season itself” – to no avail. But I did love the music, the old, old music we love so well. I tried to hold off on the congregation singing the Christmas carols until the four Sundays of Advent had been honored. But no. It didn’t work – not even once.

To me, even the season of waiting – of the Coming of the Child – is as rich as Christmas – call it the Arrival of the Child – itself. The Coming is filled with something: hope, expectation, longing – all tangible, all filled in themselves with a reality that we have all lived at some time in our lives.

The magic captivated – captivates me.

I have a memory of my childhood that is still a mystery to me. It was Christmas Eve, and I was in bed, in the narrow room I shared with my little sister, Suzie. Maybe she was already asleep. My bed was pushed up against the wall with the window. I could hear Mom and Dad in the living room, only a few feet away, shuffling around, making things happen. Like tradition in the Old Country, they were decorating the Christmas tree which Suzie and I would only see in all its glory for the first time on Christmas morning. There was always a layer of ice on the second story window, the cold of Milwaukee’s winter coming through the storm window Daddy had carefully hung in autumn. And on that Christmas Eve, I heard the bells – outside my window. I heard the bells of Christmas! I raised my head from the pillow, looked out into the cold, dark winter night. The only sound I heard then was the rustling of my parents in the next room.

The magic was gone. As quickly as it had arrived – gone.

And I fell asleep then in anticipation of Christmas morning, when, in the old European way, we would open our gifts around the decorated tree, the gifts that had arrived – mysteriously – sometime in the night.

Magic! photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert, 12/2025, View Place

Uncategorized

Sweet, sad music

The tree is always beautiful,
the lights – magical, too.
Night comes on soon and stays for the magic.

Sitting close, we look into the branches, deep, 
remembering as we do
            those who are gone –
            now for many years.

Quiet, we hear them whisper 
as the ornaments swish along the needles:
sweet, sad music.


– Mary Elyn Bahlert, December, 2025

O Christmas tree, 12/2025, photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert

Uncategorized

Life is the color of things

Life is the color of things:
of places, of thoughts, of people I have loved, of sky and trees.
I know gray well, and I have taken from gray a gift:
the gift of gray is to know – for the first time – the color of things.

Life is the color of things and 
it is good to breathe in the riches of sky, of earth,
of shadows across the sky, 
of green grass that carries the fragrance of earth,
of long orange autumns, bright maples, 
of gray and darkened days of winter,
of spring, snow banks melting,
of a navy-blue awakening, dawn.

The color of things lives in the eyes of friends, 
places where sadness lurks,
where pain is not covered by dull happiness.

Life is the color of things:
this gift, earth, all that is in it,
the heart, the heart, full:

And all that is in it.

Life is the color of things. Photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert, Oakland, View Place, 2025

beauty, poetry, reflecting, Uncategorized

“I think that I shall never see

a poem lovely as a tree…” – Joyce Kilmer

One of the pleasures in my life is the pleasure of having lived in one place for many years. In 1995, Jeff and I moved to Oakland and we have stayed in Oakland, and moved into our 1915 Craftsman Home about 2005. Over those years, Jeff has worked hard to steward a beautiful garden – a garden which we enjoy every day. We have hosted many gatherings and dinners with friends here in the house – often in the garden. I expect those times of hosting have attached us even more to this place. And having lived in one place for so many years, and having seen the seasons – slow and sacred in the Bay Area – pass to us and away again all those years since 2005, I have come to know very well the passage of time in one place.

In the yard of our home are several trees that I see from one of the windows: the listing birch outside the living room, the apple tree whose trunk and branches seem to greet us – bowing – when we sit at the dining room table, the maple that shines into our bedroom window in the autumn.

I have a refrain that I say to myself often about the birch: “I love that tree and that tree loves me”. And if saying it often makes it so, then it is true: that tree loves me. Silently and with grace the tree stands and waits for me as I lounge facing the window with my morning coffee. Silently and with grace the tree has sparked my mind as I sit on the couch, writing a sermon, reading a book from the local library, chatting with Jeff. The tree is a steady and beautiful companion to my life. I’m grateful for the tree.

And if gratitude is a poem, then that tree has sparked whatever poems are resting inside me, waiting for the right time to come out.

And it’s autumn again. The slender maple outside our bedroom window is shining with the light of autumn. And the slender maple is so beautiful: a beautiful, silent, stalwart companion.

My stalwart companion in autumn. photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert, 2024