memories, nostalgia, remembering, Uncategorized

The uncles

Some people have uncles that were awful people, creepy people, uncles that no one liked, uncles that were hard to be around.

Not me.  I had wonderful uncles, and I remember them, along with all the rest of the ancestors, often.  While they did not say it – ever – I knew that there was love, or at least affection, in them for me.  

Uncle Pete, my mother’s youngest brother, was full of himself.  Like all the others who are full of themselves, he took up all the space in a room.  He had a large presence, a sort of charisma, I suppose.  His dark eyes danced as if he had a joke to tell.  He could tell stories from three wars – “Pete fought in three wars,” the men in his neigborhood said as they made room for his wandering, his memory loss, in his later years.  Pete, my handsome uncle Pete, who walked silently to the car with me on a visit I made to the military hospital in Oakland to see Aunt Athalie, his wife.  Then, he seemed shy even, as he carefully saw that I was in my car and had driven safely off.    

Sometimes as I got older, he’d ask me a question he should have asked my mother; “ask my Mom,” I’d say, without saying more.  He didn’t press me further.  Did he ask my Mom?  I don’t think so!  Like many families, differences were not worked out directly between the siblings.  They had to trust in the passage of time to take away old hurts.

Uncle Johnny was the eldest brother, a hero to my mother and her other siblings, Mike, Anne, Pete.  He was older than the next one in line – Mike – by 9 years, and it was safe to say that he had been born in the Old Country, Ukraine, although the family lore held that he was “born on the boat.”  When he went off to work, he showed up at home to bring Christmas to his siblings, knowing that his folks would not come through for them – ever.   

Uncle Johnny was smart, well-read, an atheist:  an uneducated intellectual, the condominium he shared with Aunt Dani filled with piles of magazines and books.  His brother’s eyes were full of pride when Johnny spoke; my mother’s, too.  He was a quiet one – like Mike and my mother, to Anne’s, to Pete’s extraversion.   In his later working years as a machinist, he was a union man, his democratic socialist leanings lived out in his own life.  He was our hero, too. 

Uncle Mike was so quiet, so much part of the background that I have few memories of him.  Did he ever speak to me?  He married Alice, a British woman he’d met when he was a motorcycle-riding soldier in England during the War.   When I was a young woman, Alice would call me from time to time, and she’d take me to dinner, where she talked and talked.  After Mike died, Alice finally got a phone for their little home in a town north of Milwaukee.  I last talked to Alice when she happened to call my mother in the days before we moved Mom to live out close to us in the Bay Area.  My mother’s memory was already poor, so when my Aunt Alice identified herself to Mom, she handed the phone to me, probably thinking the call was for me.  

**

Dad was one of nine siblings, one of only two who’d left Door County, Wisconsin, to live in the city; Dad settled in Milwaukee, Uncle Norman, his youngest brother, in Queens, New York, where he worked as a police officer.  And so I had a string of aunts and uncles on the Bahlert side.

Clarence and Ray were Dad’s older brothers, Ray, a farmer, Clarence, a retired Coast Guard officer who worked the wild waters of Lake Michigan, all the way north to Washington Island, off the tip of Door County.  When we stopped at Clarence’s house in Baileys Harbor – a cottage close to the shore of Lake Michigan – my Dad and Clarence stood outside talking for a long time, two brothers, separated by time and distance, by different lives.

We stood on the grass outside of Ray’s house, too, Ray, a quiet man – “one of the quiet Bahlerts,” with a quiet wife and a quiet daughter, my cousin Terri.  By the time I remembered seeing Ray and his place, my cousin Roger, Terri’s elder brother, was married and gone, with a daughter of his own.  Not until years later did I come to know Roger, after I’d retired.   After a time of talking – my Dad did the talking, Ray the listening (I’m sure) – we’d walk around to the back of the property, to see the raspberry bushes, to taste a few, and to take a quick look at the outhouse, still in use, on the property.  My family in northern Wisconsin were rural people, kind, gentle people.  I loved them – love them – for that.

My dad told us a story about Ray and him, the two of them riding a Model T down the Sister Bay Hill that wound right down and into the main street of Sister Bay, on the Green Bay side of the peninsula.  Young men, they yelled “Betsy Ross!” – a slang of the day, as they started down the hill, and as the driver shouted, he pulled the steering wheel right out of the steering column and held it high in the air until he realized what was happening, then poked that steering wheel right back where it belonged, and continue to navigate down the long Sister Bay Hill!  Every time I go down that hill now, I think of them on that day, and I think of my father’s face, his voice rising, as he told the story – as he’d lived to tell the story.  

Uncle Fritz was next in line, younger than my father.  He was Dad to my cousin Bobbie, like Terri, a bit younger than me.  Like the rest of the Bahlerts, Fritz was a worker, coming home from a day in the shipyards in Sturgeon Bay to butcher at the store he and Aunt Goldie operated near the north point of the Door County Peninsula.  The only time I went as fast as 100 miles an hour in a car, I sat with Bobbie in the front bench seat of my uncle’s pickup, watching that speedometer go faster and faster!  Fritz was quiet, too, and I don’t remember a conversation with him, although he was closest in age to my Dad.  

Uncle Norman, the youngest, married a woman from the East Coast and raised his family there.  My only memory of Uncle Norman was when he stayed with us overnight on the way to Door County to see his mother, my Grandma Bahlert, in the days before her death.  I was a little girl, and I watched with big eyes as my handsome Uncle Norman came into the kitchen.  Every year at Thanksgiving now, Jeff and I celebrate the holiday by sitting around the table with Uncle Norman’s eldest son, Norman Bahlert, and his family – children and even grandchildren now, and Cheryl, Norman’s wife.  Pictures of the Bahlert’s from generations past look down on us all, seated around the long table, as if guarding their progeny.  

So these were the uncles, distinct, kind, a part of the framework of family who peopled my life, then – and even now.    

Vlas Markowski (Srebny) with Mike to his right, Johnny standing behind, and Pete, the little boy with the hat, at his mother’s knees. Photo, circa 1921-1922, Milwaukee, WI.

memories, nostalgia, Uncategorized

“I said some words

to the close and holy darkness, and then I slept”. - Dylan Thomas, “A Child’s Christmas in Wales.”

Jeff and I have a quiet and lovely custom that we bring to life each Advent, that sombre season of waiting, of anticipation, before Christmas. Each year, on an evening in December, we sit on the couch with the lights of the Christmas tree shining into the darkest days of the year, and we watch again “A Child’s Christmas in Wales,” Thomas’ memory and gift to the season, recounting his days as a boy growing up in Wales, remembering those Christmas Days – when it always snowed. 

Although we do not have snow here where Jeff and I live in Northern California, we have the longer nights, and every season, I note the changing light, the darker evenings that give way to the longer hours of light, beginning with the first day of winter – that day marked by the calendar.

Every evening though, when we go off to bed, I, too, say some words “to the close and holy darkness” before I sleep. My custom goes back to bedtime as a child, where my mother taught me to say the child’s prayer: ”Now I lay me down to sleep…” and when I said that prayer, I began the practice of adding prayers for those I loved. Later, I would learn to take my own cares to that holy darkness, praying – sometimes again and again – for relief from some worry, some troubling situation. A wise monk at a retreat encouraged me to pray – “for yourself,” he had said. And so I do. 

I pray and pray until that moment – that holy moment, sometimes in the darkness, sometimes not – when I surrender to that holy moment, as it is, as it will be, as it has been. Freedom is there, and a kind of certainty. 

When I settle in for the bedtime prayers – added to the prayers spoken at odd moments of the day – I remember that I am held by some magnificent, benevolent awareness, some living, breathing Self that is greater than me, and certainly greater than any of my own troubles.  And when I remember that awareness, I know for a few moments that larger Self, always present, and so often forgotten. 

The days are getting longer now, minute by minute, day by day, and moment by moment. Time passes so quickly, I often think. Time has passed so quickly, my life has passed so quickly, I think.

Saturn and the Moon, 12/17/2023, photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert

reflecting, remembering, Uncategorized

At the end of the year

Another year has passed, and as usual, so quickly! I don’t know why I’m always surprised at year’s end, when Jeff and I sit down to think together about the past year – the high points and the low points and all points in between – once again. 

“And on a day we meet to walk the line…” Robert Frost, “Mending Wall”

And on a day we meet to remember, to reflect, and to think about the year ahead – which always brings surprises we had not anticipated, for as much as we plan.

And so we sit in front of the Christmas Tree – lights shining for the last days of the season which was so anticipated just a month ago – and write our memories and our hopes, before we tell one another.

Always, Jeff will be touched by something that doesn’t ring clear in my memory. Or I will think fondly of a moment that is not on his list. Usually, the times we remember are the times we traveled, the times we met new friends, or the times we shared together an unusual, unexpected moment. I like to think of them as moments – those unforeseen happenings that spread across the years of our lives. And then our lives are simply a series of moments.

As we meet today – New Year’s Eve – we’ll each spend time writing our list of year’s past and some hopes or dreams for the year ahead. It’s a good way to spend the last hours in front of the colorfully-lit tree, to mark another year past, and to consider that we might be privileged to live another year on this constantly-changing earth. And tomorrow, on New Year’s Day, we’ll read aloud our list, to one another. Another year gone by…

Happy New Year!

Saturn at the solstice, photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert, 12/21/2023

beauty, memories, reflecting, remembering

Christmas time on the Bering Sea

In the fall of 2015, Jeff received a note from a District Superintendent he had met while working on his books in Alaska. The message was that a little church in Unalaska, on the Bering Sea, was without a Pastor and wanted someone to be with them to celebrate Christmas. I think of myself as a “city person,” one who feels comfortable in cities, wherever they are, but I had traveled to Alaska on several occasions with Jeff, most notably to Nome, where we had had an intimate gathering with the Elders. And so, as soon as I heard the word that a church on the Bering Sea wanted a Pastor, I said: “Yes! Here I am! – Send me!”

And in the middle of December I traveled from San Francisco International Airport to Seattle, on to Anchorage, where I spent the night in a hotel before boarding a small plane with a direct flight to Unalaska. The flight that day was uneventful. I heard stories of flights that needed to be cancelled because of the winds that rise in that place. “Unalaska” is the Inuit word for “birthplace of the winds.” I listened with some anxiety to a story of a flight that had to emergency land along the slopes to the south of the flight’s path until the wind passed and the fog and snow allowed safe passage. And I watched with anxiety and awe as we landed, the cliffs close to the left side of the plane that gave way to the landing strip at Unalaska, with a cliff overshadowing the runway to the right of the plane. I disembarked and was met by the Chair of the Pastor Parish Relations Committee, who took me on a short tour of the Island, introducing me to the one large supermarket, one or two restaurants – always full – and to the church, and the parsonage, a large house whose front windows looked out over the Bering Sea.

As we drove up to the house, several eagles fluttered down from the roof as if to greet us. The church folks had set up a small, artificial tree, complete with lights, in the living room. I kept those lights on 24 hours a day during my stay. The kitchen was well equipped, the bed made, and we turned the heat up when we entered the house. All was well.

The Birthplace of the Winds, indeed. One night I was awakened by a wind, wind so wild that it sounded as if it would pick up the big, cozy house in which I slept and carry it out over the water. The wind surrounded the house, wailing and whipping, louder and louder, until at last – it passed. I was a witness to the winds, then.

I preached for two Sundays before Christmas and met with the musician – a professional piano teacher who had married a native man and lived on the Island, where she raised her family – a worship leader, and one or two other folks who were active in the church community, to plan Christmas Eve worship. We filled our plans with music, the Christmas Story, and lights. Each Sunday of my time with the people in worship, I celebrated Holy Communion, because they did not have a regular pastor to be with them.

During the week, I spent part of my days in the library on the Island, where I became friends with the native man who worked behind the desk. I checked out books and movies to watch in the evenings in the big house, alone. I woke each morning to darkness, and at ten AM, as if by some magic, the sky was light, daylight again. When I could, I called Jeff; we never allow a day to pass without our speaking, even when we are separated.

On Christmas Eve, the sanctuary was full of lights – and people, who arrived from all over the Island to hear the Christmas music, to hear the Christmas story, once again. The music was wonderful – a concert of beautiful Christmas music, led by an artist. At the close of worship, we lit one another’s candles, and sang “Silent Night” to the darkened sanctuary, reverent before we went out again into the cold and the wind.

Jeff arrived on New Year’s Eve, and we watched the fireworks fly across the sky on the Bering Sea from the front window, at midnight. On New Year’s Day, I worshipped with the small band of people in the little church, and after lunch, Jeff and I drove the car I’d been loaned – Alaskans share cars freely with one another – to the little airport, where we were able to make the flight back to Anchorage that day. Jeff’s flight to San Francisco left earlier than mine, and I had a few more hours there, taking time to let go of my sacred days in the Birthplace of the Winds.

Over the Bering Sea, December, 2015, photo by Mary Elyn Bahlert