At my retirement gathering, to honor my retirement from active ministry, a woman I went to seminary with and who had retired several years before I retired, told me that after she retired, she felt as if she had lost God for a while. I was surprised at her comment. I didn’t think I would experience the same thing. At the time, I “prayed at all times” by having an on-going conversation with Jesus.
But I was wrong. For a couple of years after I retired in 2014, I felt as if I was adrift in my spiritual life/journey. As time has unfolded, I have returned to my relationship to the Holy, in a new/different way than before.
Now, I have the sense of my being “in” God, as part of God, not separate. I am immersed in God’s presence, as I am immersed in the air, say. The relationship I have now – as I compare my “before” and “after” – is to be part of the Whole. And ‘the Whole” is abundantly huge, “the Whole” is all that is. “The Whole” is loving all of creation and all that is beyond within itself. What that means, I can’t say/explain to myself. I don’t try. My time of prayer now is simply being with awareness, when I have that awareness. Often, my time spent walking is a time for me to be in that presence –
“You will wonder and in the depths of wonder
you will discover a simpler way:
you will walk, feet planted firmly on the earth,
head up.
You will walk into that sighing Presence.” – from the Collection, “Moments,”
Mary Elyn Bahlert, 2026.
“You will walk into that sighing Presence…” – photo, Mary Elyn Bahlert, 1/2026
