I am part of a small group of fellow spiritual directors that have met faithfully since the beginning of 2014. Of course, the presence of COVID in all our lives beginning in 2020 prevented us from meeting for many months, but for the past year, we have come together again as regularly as we can.
Our lives have changed over time, of course. One member is full time caregiver now for his spouse; another member is slowly moving toward being caregiver for her spouse. One of our friends has just completed a “Swim Across the Bay” as a way to support cancer research; she shares her disenchantment with “church” as she has known it, disenchantment heightened by having the forced break of COVID as time to reflect. Another shares honestly with us all his changes as he grows older. I remind the group, often as we meet, that they are my “church.”
The group’s purpose has evolved since our journey with COVID. Sometimes now, we do not have a presentation for our listening and wisdom. Sometimes, now, one person will bring a reading or a topic to us for us to think about and to consider aloud what it means to us.
At the beginning of 2023, a member of the group suggested that we choose a Word for the Year. When we met in January, we spoke aloud our word to the group. My word, however, didn’t resonate deeply and well with me. I did not take it with me as the days and weeks lengthened into this year. But as we met this past week, a quiet, simple statement arose from the group, and I had it! I had chosen my word – two words, really – to be my guide as the days and weeks now flow gently to the end of 2023.
And so I ask: “What now?” I ask, “what now?” of God, of the Holy, of my Deeper Self, of the gathering dusk of each day, of the quiet moments I cherish early each morning. I have written on each page of my calendar until the end of the year those words: “what now?”
And as I ask, I wait.
